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Posted by on Oct 28, 2013 | 9 comments

Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday: Ooooh, how scary!

It’s Halloween, so this week’s theme for my Twisted Mix-Tape is Scary Songs.

I find the term “scary” subjective; that is, it can be interpreted in many different ways. Obviously, during this time of year, scary has to do with witches and zombies and monsters and all that stuff.  I’ve decided to use a different interpretation of “scary”.

Scary, for the purposes of this post, are bad songs and/or videos that you can never unsee or unhear. Ever.  And since I have a lot of really bad videos bookmarked on You Tube, this list is going to be longer than five. Consider this an extra treat!

1. Carribean Moon-Kevin Ayers

I don’t want to know what they did with the bananas after shooting wrapped up.

2. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?-Tiny Tim

The Rod Stewart version is bad enough, but here, Tiny Tim channeled Al Jolson when he made this cover. All that’s missing is the cry of “Mammy” and the blackface.

 

3. Anger Is My Middle Name-Thor

It’s not the typical dystopian/medievel theme of the music video that’s scary. No. The video is unintentionally hilarious, especially with liberal use of the world’s cheesiest video effects and the low-budget production values.  I suspect that this video was shot as part of a high school film class project and the special effects were the result of someone asking, “Hey, what does this button do?” followed by “Cool!”.

The scary part of this is how This is Spinal Tap-ish this video is even though it was made years before the actual movie This is Spinal Tap. It also has an Ator/Cave Dwellers vibe to it, minus the Asian sidekick named Thong (or is it Dong?) and the protracted hang-gliding scene.  If you’re a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

 

4. This 1980′s Wendy’s Training Video

A tiny part of me died when I saw a spatula employed as an air guitar.  Plus the singing burgers give me nightmares.

This is a how middle-aged people in the 1980s tried to be hip and cash in on this new-fangled rap thing before the kids moved on to something else.

“Try” is the operative word here.   I know that if I were a teenaged Wendy’s employee, I could not watch this video without laughing my ass off. Then I’d probably get written up for not taking training seriously.

Oh well.

5. Tight Pants/Body Rolls

It’s about time someone recorded a salute to the cameltoe.

 

6.  Life at the Outpost-SKATT

One day, somebody decided that the world needed to cross the movie Urban Cowboy with The Village People.  The world never asked for an Urban Cowboy/Village People mashup, but we got one anyway. Except it’s more Frankie Goes to New Jersey in Mom Jeans than Village People.  But how can you argue with such profound lyrics as The sergeant-at-arms has masculine charms? 

Maybe it’s the MSTie in me, but the chant at the beginning and at the end sounds suspciously like “Hi-keeba!”

I think I need to go watch Magic Mike again, if for nothing else,Big Dick Richie’s help can go a long way towards me unseeing this video.

7. Apache-Tommy Seebach

Forget for a moment that this video is chock full of European stereotypes about Native Americans. Forget that at the :48 mark, Tommy Seebach looks like a psychotic version of Davy Crockett. Forget the fact that the back-up dancers look like all of your single middle-aged aunts (except much thinner) when they get drunk at your cousin’s wedding.

Forget about all of that. The BEST part of this song is this: If you dub Boots Randolph’s Yakkity Sax over this video, it actually looks like a Benny Hill sketch. Minus the short bald guy, of course.

8. Legs & Co.: The Birdie Song

You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still the Chicken Dance. Except this is the most disturbing performance of the Chicken Dance I’ve ever seen.

9. I Am A Cider Drinker-The Wurzels

At first, I thought I accidentally stumbled upon a lost Monty Python skit, but after a few minutes more of listening, I realized that this band is the UK’s version of Da Yoopers.  I miss Da Yoopers. They don’t get played in South Dakota. My Wisconsin peeps know who I’m talking about.

And finally…

It’s a tie between:

10.1 This Screaming French Death Metal Mime in this ad for razor blades/eczema medication/perfume.

I thought mimes were supposed to be silent.  On the other hand, at least he’s not pretending to be trapped in a box or walking against a stiff wind.

10.2  This Heavy Metal Guy and his Jew-fro Who Is Hypnotizing Basically Every Guy I Went To High School With Into Doing Their best Ndamukong Suh Impression

The salute to Mr. Stompy McTantrum is at the 5:52 mark.

Happy Halloween. May the Great Pumpkin bless you with His bounty, may you not get rocks, religious pamphlets, that nasty-ass crap in the black and/or orange wax wrappers that some people try to pass off as candy, and may your Halloween costume be so awesome, it get’s you detention/written up.

Kathy Kramer

Kathy Kramer has words in her head, so she writes them down. Kiki Dee had words in her head, but she only just said them. Kathy has other things in her head that aren’t so great, but that’s what the medication is for.

Kathy is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Plains Magazine and eFiction Magazine. Kathy is originally from Wisconsin but her mid-life crisis prompted her to move to South Dakota because she can’t be like other people and do normal mid-life crisis things like dress inappropriately for her age, get Botox or chase after younger men. No. Kathy has to be different.

When Kathy isn’t writing her author bio in the third person, she likes to make things, she likes to read books, and she likes to go outside. Kathy lives with her husband, whom she refers to in these pages as The Hubby or D.

Kathy also likes to hang out on Twitter a lot, especially during football games. Kathy is a Green Bay Packers fan and has been since she was born. She is also a contributor to NFL Female.com, as a writer about the Green Bay Packers.

9 Comments

  1. Oh. My. Gawd. I did not know that Tiny Tim did Do Ya Think I’m Sexy. I’m holding you responsible for tonight’s ukelele nightmares. lol

  2. Kathy, You have succeeded where others have failed. As warped as my brain is, I know have visions of Village People clones and Howard the Duck imitators dancing in my mind. Nightmares will be my companions for many a moon, I’m afraid. And, as bad as they were, you had to go into double digits!!!! You are a harsh mistress and a torturer without a castle! lol

  3. There just isn’t enough bleach in the world to make me feel clean again.

  4. I am so glad I am not the only one to screw with Jen’s mix tapes. This was awesome and now I need to shower. So thanks for that image

  5. hahahaha….you’re spot on, so scary

    The Thor video I saw on cracked.com a year or so ago. The French video is just total WTF.

    My favorite list so far.

    also, I love the packers running game. I wish my jets had it.

    Happy Halloween

  6. Wow! Great take on this week’s prompt. I needed the laugh, even if it came in the form of some creepy stuff.

  7. That rapping training video was so weird, it scared just because of that! Cool list!

  8. I braved on the first few seconds of the videos for fear that I would have nightmares about these bad songs. I love your spin.

  9. I hate you for making me watch EVERY SINGLE VIDEO! My son was with me, some were not so appropriate! What was with the Trout!!!!! I don’t understand. This list was beautifully horrible! Wait, and was that a real Wendy’s training video??? I need to research that!