Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday: Ooooh, how scary!
It’s Halloween, so this week’s theme for my Twisted Mix-Tape is Scary Songs.
I find the term “scary” subjective; that is, it can be interpreted in many different ways. Obviously, during this time of year, scary has to do with witches and zombies and monsters and all that stuff. I’ve decided to use a different interpretation of “scary”.
Scary, for the purposes of this post, are bad songs and/or videos that you can never unsee or unhear. Ever. And since I have a lot of really bad videos bookmarked on You Tube, this list is going to be longer than five. Consider this an extra treat!
1. Carribean Moon-Kevin Ayers
I don’t want to know what they did with the bananas after shooting wrapped up.
2. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?-Tiny Tim
The Rod Stewart version is bad enough, but here, Tiny Tim channeled Al Jolson when he made this cover. All that’s missing is the cry of “Mammy” and the blackface.
3. Anger Is My Middle Name-Thor
It’s not the typical dystopian/medievel theme of the music video that’s scary. No. The video is unintentionally hilarious, especially with liberal use of the world’s cheesiest video effects and the low-budget production values. I suspect that this video was shot as part of a high school film class project and the special effects were the result of someone asking, “Hey, what does this button do?” followed by “Cool!”.
The scary part of this is how This is Spinal Tap-ish this video is even though it was made years before the actual movie This is Spinal Tap. It also has an Ator/Cave Dwellers vibe to it, minus the Asian sidekick named Thong (or is it Dong?) and the protracted hang-gliding scene. If you’re a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
4. This 1980′s Wendy’s Training Video
A tiny part of me died when I saw a spatula employed as an air guitar. Plus the singing burgers give me nightmares.
This is a how middle-aged people in the 1980s tried to be hip and cash in on this new-fangled rap thing before the kids moved on to something else.
“Try” is the operative word here. I know that if I were a teenaged Wendy’s employee, I could not watch this video without laughing my ass off. Then I’d probably get written up for not taking training seriously.
5. Tight Pants/Body Rolls
It’s about time someone recorded a salute to the cameltoe.
6. Life at the Outpost-SKATT
One day, somebody decided that the world needed to cross the movie Urban Cowboy with The Village People. The world never asked for an Urban Cowboy/Village People mashup, but we got one anyway. Except it’s more Frankie Goes to New Jersey in Mom Jeans than Village People. But how can you argue with such profound lyrics as The sergeant-at-arms has masculine charms?
Maybe it’s the MSTie in me, but the chant at the beginning and at the end sounds suspciously like “Hi-keeba!”
I think I need to go watch Magic Mike again, if for nothing else,Big Dick Richie’s help can go a long way towards me unseeing this video.
7. Apache-Tommy Seebach
Forget for a moment that this video is chock full of European stereotypes about Native Americans. Forget that at the :48 mark, Tommy Seebach looks like a psychotic version of Davy Crockett. Forget the fact that the back-up dancers look like all of your single middle-aged aunts (except much thinner) when they get drunk at your cousin’s wedding.
Forget about all of that. The BEST part of this song is this: If you dub Boots Randolph’s Yakkity Sax over this video, it actually looks like a Benny Hill sketch. Minus the short bald guy, of course.
8. Legs & Co.: The Birdie Song
You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still the Chicken Dance. Except this is the most disturbing performance of the Chicken Dance I’ve ever seen.
9. I Am A Cider Drinker-The Wurzels
At first, I thought I accidentally stumbled upon a lost Monty Python skit, but after a few minutes more of listening, I realized that this band is the UK’s version of Da Yoopers. I miss Da Yoopers. They don’t get played in South Dakota. My Wisconsin peeps know who I’m talking about.
It’s a tie between:
10.1 This Screaming French Death Metal Mime in this ad for razor blades/eczema medication/perfume.
I thought mimes were supposed to be silent. On the other hand, at least he’s not pretending to be trapped in a box or walking against a stiff wind.
10.2 This Heavy Metal Guy and his Jew-fro Who Is Hypnotizing Basically Every Guy I Went To High School With Into Doing Their best Ndamukong Suh Impression
The salute to Mr. Stompy McTantrum is at the 5:52 mark.
Happy Halloween. May the Great Pumpkin bless you with His bounty, may you not get rocks, religious pamphlets, that nasty-ass crap in the black and/or orange wax wrappers that some people try to pass off as candy, and may your Halloween costume be so awesome, it get’s you detention/written up.