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Posted by on Sep 8, 2013 in Football | 1 comment

Why I Love Twitter #2493: Handling Sexist Asshats

On the first Sunday of football, Twitter, of course was excited. But then this tweet from News Talk 1010 stirred a little controversy with this brilliant gem:

https://twitter.com/newstalk1010/status/376694099635470336

The replies were wonderful. Here’s a sample.

https://twitter.com/jpizzi/status/376723319032012800

https://twitter.com/dexhandle/status/376726066532208641

https://twitter.com/DirectingTitan/status/376728424636633088

 

But I have composed a list of things I will be doing for the next five months, since News Talk 1010 out of Toronto, Canada thinks that my having a vagina disqualifies me from watching football or even knowing anything about the game.

1. Spend five days a month over in the menstrual hut crying, bitching, cramping, bleeding and scarfing down chocolate with all of the other football widows.

2. Barefoot, in the kitchen, making a sammich for my man.

3. I will watch with him, but only just to stare at very fit young men wearing very tight pants that show off their spectacularly tight ends.

4. I will have a torrid affair with the young, hunky guy I have to hire to do the yard work for the next five months because The Man in My Life won’t get off his ass and do it himself. Since my husband is too busy watching football because he’s a man and all that, he will never, ever know.

5. Take up reading crappy books like Twilight and writing equally crappy fan fiction to make up for what my life is lacking because the man of the house is scarfing down pork rinds and beer and watching football while ignoring me and my needs.

6. Try to get into this “sportsball” thing by sitting around and asking dumb questions to the point where the Man in My Life banishes me from the Man Cave because he’d rather have his nose hairs pulled out one by one with a hot tweezers than answer one more question like “Do they call them tight ends because they have nice butts?”

7. Try to get into this “fantasy football” thing, only to be disappointed to find out it didn’t involve Joe Manganiello.

8.  I will speak only when spoken to, have supper on the table when he walks into the door after work, and then get hooked on Mother’s Little Helpers because I live such an  unsatisfying life keeping house and the Man in my Life outright said, “No wife of mine is getting a job.”

9.  I will develop an interest in things like shopping and bad mommy porn and visiting every arts & crafts show and being that person, who pounces on all the handmade jewelry, which I will buy, using my husband’s credit card, of course, since he won’t let me have my own. Then when he sees the bill, he will get mad at me, but then I will just have to bat my eyelashes at him and he’ll forgive me because I can’t help being a vacuous air head.

10.  To get even for ignoring me for the next five months, I will make him join me in a movie marathon of every film adaptation of all of Nicholas Sparks novels.

 

Without this getting into a diatribe about sexism, in reality, I’m the football watcher in the house and my hubby could care less about it. I think it would blow Newstalk 1010′s mind to know that I also hate shopping, jewelry kiosks, thought 50 Shades of Grey was an atrociously written book, and I really, really hate chick flicks.

Kathy Kramer

Kathy Kramer has words in her head, so she writes them down. Kiki Dee had words in her head, but she only just said them. Kathy has other things in her head that aren’t so great, but that’s what the medication is for.

Kathy is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Plains Magazine and eFiction Magazine. Kathy is originally from Wisconsin but her mid-life crisis prompted her to move to South Dakota because she can’t be like other people and do normal mid-life crisis things like dress inappropriately for her age, get Botox or chase after younger men. No. Kathy has to be different.

When Kathy isn’t writing her author bio in the third person, she likes to make things, she likes to read books, and she likes to go outside. Kathy lives with her husband, whom she refers to in these pages as The Hubby or D.

Kathy also likes to hang out on Twitter a lot, especially during football games. Kathy is a Green Bay Packers fan and has been since she was born. She is also a contributor to NFL Female.com, as a writer about the Green Bay Packers.

1 Comment

  1. You could move to Texas, north Carolina or my state Georgia, where the choices for your body are made for you by 60year old white Republican men.

    My wife and 3 daughters aren’t football fans but they get a kick our of my jets & falcons obsessions.