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Posted by on Aug 26, 2013 , Monday Listicles | 6 comments

Monday Listicles: Oh No, She Didn’t

The topic of this week’s Listicle is “Oh no, you didn’t.”  I could only think of one thing I did that would fall under this category. However, last night, Twitter was talking about Miley Cyrus and her “act” on the MTV Video Music Awards. Since what she did on stage qualifies as “Oh no, she didn’t!”, the following are 10 different reactions I had to this, um, performance.  (If you didn’t see it, here it is, but you can’t unsee this.)

My 10 Reactions to Miley Cyrus’s Trainwreck of a VMA Performance

1. We now know what the “M” in VMA stands for. Hint: it’s not for Music.

2. The foam finger she used to masturbate while on stage is now infected with chlamydia.

3. I give it six months before the inevitable nude pictorial. The magazine in which it will appear it is yet to be determined.

4. Miley Cyrus should be thanking her lucky stars that she isn’t my daughter, because she’d be grounded until she’s 80.

5. I can’t unsee this, no matter how hard I try. There is no brain bleach strong enough to remove this from my mind.

6. Just because you can twerk doesn’t mean you should.

7. Was that a former replacement ref pretending to stick it to her from behind?

8. Is this supposed to be a tribute to Pedobear?

9. Gee, I haven’t seen enough of Miley Cyrus’s tongue? Does she even have one?

10. Remember when Madonna writhing around on the stage in a wedding dress while singing Like a Virgin was considered shocking? I do. And now I feel old.

Kathy Kramer

Kathy Kramer has words in her head, so she writes them down. Kiki Dee had words in her head, but she only just said them. Kathy has other things in her head that aren’t so great, but that’s what the medication is for.

Kathy is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Plains Magazine and eFiction Magazine. Kathy is originally from Wisconsin but her mid-life crisis prompted her to move to South Dakota because she can’t be like other people and do normal mid-life crisis things like dress inappropriately for her age, get Botox or chase after younger men. No. Kathy has to be different.

When Kathy isn’t writing her author bio in the third person, she likes to make things, she likes to read books, and she likes to go outside. Kathy lives with her husband, whom she refers to in these pages as The Hubby or D.

Kathy also likes to hang out on Twitter a lot, especially during football games. Kathy is a Green Bay Packers fan and has been since she was born. She is also a contributor to NFL Female.com, as a writer about the Green Bay Packers.

6 Comments

  1. The Will Smith and Family pic pretty much says it all. I don’t watch that show, well, don’t watch MTV anymore, not for years. Loved her dad’s music, and I agree with the grounding. Seems like she’s headed down the Lohan path.

  2. Chlamydia? Really? Just because she gyrates on stage in a bikini and performs lewd acts with a piece of foam, you’re going to go around saying the girl’s got chlamydia?

    You know how you get respect? By showing it. Slandering Miley Cyrus in this manner is not impressive nor is it adult behavior. It certainly is not Christian behavior (although I have no idea whether you are a Christian — I’m just saying).

    This list of yours is not an intelligent critique or discussion of her performance. I find your article far more judgmental, disgusting and offensive than Miley’s performance. And I wasn’t crazy about the performance at all.

    And I’m sure she’s glad she’s not your daughter. I know I am. She is 20 years old, so I think she’s a little beyond getting grounded. And if you are still grounding your 20-year-old daughter, I would say your family has its own special brand of dysfunction.

    But hey, whatever you lack in compassion, surely you make up for in some other area.

    • Lucy, I have the feeling that you’re the kind of feminist that I can’t stand. The perpetual “women are victims” type who believe that we can’t be held responsible for our choices because of “the patriarchal society”. That kind of feminism is the biggest bunch of bullshit out there. That is the type of feminism that hurts the cause of equality and being treated fairly.

      We are not helpless. We are not victims. As long as we women keep playing that card, we will never be treated with respect. You bring that up, but I didn’t see anything respectful about that act on TV. If anything, it was disrespectful to women and women’s sexuality. This immature little girl just made it harder for the rest of us to *not* be slut shamed when we express our sexuality.

      You want to be treated equally and with respect? Then you must accept the consequences of your actions and not play the “slut shaming” or victim card when something you did doesn’t get the results you expected.

      I am by no means a prude, but I found her act disgusting. It wasn’t sexy. It was gross. She wasn’t “owning” anything. She confuses ratchet with sexy. She wants us to think she’s a grown woman by going about it in the most immature way possible.

      What she did is not sex. It’s not a healthy kind of sexuality, either. If anything, it shows that she has a complete lack of self-respect. She’s playing right into a distorted and sexist male view of what sex should be. There was nothing empowering in what she did. It was embarrassing. In fact, very few men I’ve encountered thought what she did was sexy. They were just as turned off by it as I was.

      I don’t know if you have kids, but I sure as hell don’t want any young woman to think that she has to do what Miley Cyrus did on stage because that’s what sex is and how you’re supposed to attract a partner that way. If anything, this presents a distorted view of sex and her performance was degrading to women.

      Miley Cyrus is a very immature young woman who made a decision to perform on stage in a provocative manner, included mock-masturbation with a foam finger and twerking. Do you know what twerking is? Hint: it has to do with sex.

      She made a decision and she got her reaction. However, Miley Cyrus is an adult. She is responsible for her actions and her choices, and as an adult, she has to take her lumps as well as the praise. This “performance” will live on forever. She is going to have this follow her around for the rest of her career, long after she is mature enough to look back on it and be embarrassed for herself. She could go on to win the Nobel Prize for chemistry, but this VMA’s thing will ALWAYS come up.

      If anything, this is a lesson in why people should be very careful about the actions they perform in public, especially in an age when the Internet is forever and social media provides instant reactions. If Twitter had existed in 1984, Madonna’s writhing on stage would have gotten the same reaction. Funny, though, Madonna’s 1984 VMA performance is tame in comparison.

      And don’t say this is “slut shaming”, because that was what you implied. There is a big difference between someone like Sandra Fluke, who spoke up about young women having access to contraception and was called a slut and a whore on talk radio for three days and Miley Cyrus presenting her ass to a married man on stage who then performed simulated sex while his wife and her mother watched. There is a difference between a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and respects herself enough to know where her own personal sexual boundaries are and this girl who was motorboating another woman’s ass on national television.

      Miley Cyrus is an adult. She wants us to think she’s a grown-up. Then she must be treated like one.

      You can’t have it both ways, Lucy. If Miley Cyrus wants everyone to think she’s an adult, then she’s going to be treated like one. That includes accepting the consequences of her actions. If she can’t handle the criticism, then maybe she needs to take a long break and grow up a bit.

      And of course, when you don’t have a valid argument, you resort to name calling and insulting not only me, but my family. I bet that makes you feel soooo much bigger and better than me, doesn’t it?

      I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, she would have been raised to respect herself and not have to resort to such pathetic and trashy public displays in order to prove her “womanhood”.

      Honey, I really don’t give a shit what you think of me or my family. Sorry if that takes the wind out of the sails of your epic rant and troll job, but I could care less what you think of me. Your comment says way more about you and what’s in your head, though, than about anything I wrote.

      If you want a debate on this issue, fine, but only if you’re going to use an actual and valid argument to make your point and not insults or name calling.

      • I love how you don’t bother to address a single point I made in my comment and instead go on a lengthy rant judging her even more than the original article did. Let me repeat myself: this article makes all kinds of judgements about a young woman based solely on one performance, including a statement that she has a sexually transmitted disease. That is not logical, rational, or valid. If you want to criticize the performance or what it says about our society, that’s cool. But to sit there on your mighty throne and pass all kinds of judgement on her is just beyond the pale.

        I love how it’s perfectly okay for you to write an article saying all these horrendous things about Miley Cyrus, who is an actual living breathing human being with feelings and everything but you apparently can’t handle it when it’s dished right back at you and in much lesser doses.

        Here’s a tip: if you don’t want people coming by your blog and calling your names and insulting you, then don’t use your blog to insult people and call them names. You obviously have the chops to write a critical argument about the performance instead of this sad little character assassination on Miley Cyrus. So what’s up?

        “Lucy, I have the feeling that you’re the kind of feminist that I can’t stand. The perpetual “women are victims” type who believe that we can’t be held responsible for our choices because of “the patriarchal society”.

        So, you can’t stand a person because of what kind of feminist they are? Is it all feminists you can’t stand or only certain ones?

        Here’s what I think: some women (people) are victims (obviously) and some are not. It really depends on the context. All adult people should be responsible for their choices as long as they have choices. I’m not sure what kind of feminist you are, but if I had to guess, I’d probably say… not a feminist at all. Am I right?

        • You didn’t make any points in your reply. You resorted to personal attacks on not only me, but my family. I do not dignify personal attacks with a response.

          There’s the “back” button. You’re free to hit it any time you please. And one last thing…

          You’d better figure what exactly crawled up your ass and died, Lucy, because it’s really starting to stink.

          Actually a few last things.

          1. If you don’t understand humor then don’t comment on it.
          2. Freedom of speech applies just as much to me as it does to you. If you don’t like what I have to say, then leave. Walk away.
          3. Miley Cyrus does not get a free pass because she has a vagina. Period. She made a conscious decision to perform this act specifically to get a reaction. She got a reaction. If she wants to be viewed as an adult, then she needs to act like one.

  3. Wowzers! I’m late to the listicles party this week and I missed this! Not so much the post but the dialogue! Whew – I tell ya, the modern age of being able to express one’s opinion in the public arena and then have others refute said opinion is exhausting. I won’t add to the topic – it’s been talked about, tweeted about, trashed and turned from every perspective. I actually had an indirect response but wasn’t sure if I even wanted to give it the air time.

    I love #10 – yes, I feel old!

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