Brainwashed: Having Fun With Something Stupid
In response to bitter ex-girlfriend/wide-receiver Greg Jennings’ claims that the Green Bay Packers “brainwashed” him, I thought that I’d have a little fun with it.
Now if the Packers actually had the power to brainwash people, what would or should they use these powers for? Good? Evil? Shits and giggles? Just for football purposes or should there be non-football reasons to brainwash people?
I’ve compiled a list of things I think that the Green Bay Packers should use their magical brainwashing powers for.
1. Brainwash the drivers in Sioux Falls to know that stopping at red lights is mandatory and not optional.
2. Find whoever decided that every freeway exit on US Highway 41 in the Fox Cities has to have a roundabout and mentally convince him/her that this is a really bad idea.
3. Brainwash Joe Buck to be less of a douche.
4. Brainwash some other philanthropist to throw money at all the new things going up in SuFu so people stop whining about everything being named after T. Denny Sanford.
5. Brainwash the organizers of the Sanford-HyVee Legends sports camp that they really need a Packer player to show up every year.
6. Brainwash Time-Warner Cable to get their shit together and put NBC back on their channel line-up. If TWC resists, then the Packers have my permission to use the threats of dealing with a very unhappy out-of-state Packer fan (that would be me) who just spent 8 hours in a vehicle (five of them spent in Southern Minnesota) driving from Sioux Falls, SD to Menasha, WI and NOT having a Packer game to watch when I get there.
7. Brainwash Tony Siragusa into believing that he needs a bra (or is it bro?) for his man-boobs, because sometimes, they get a little too perky on TV, if you know what I mean.
8. Brainwash the NFL Network Game Day panel to use their “inside voices” more.
9. Brainwash the networks that all NFL games should be aired free of charge and without having to buy cable TV or satellite.
10. Brainwash the city council or whoever is in charge of such things to bring in a Red Robin, Chipotle and Half-Price Books to Sioux Falls. (The closest RR and Chipotle are in Sioux City, IA and the closest HPB is in Omaha, Nebraska).
These are just some of my ideas. If you could have the Packers use their Brainwashing Powers, what would you have them do? I’m interested in your responses. If you have an idea, then leave it below in the comments.