You’re Going to Regret Buying That

This week’s topic for Monday Listicles are 10 Dumbest Purchases. Since I destroyed don’t have any photographic evidence of my own dumb purchases, I’ve decided to hit Pinterest to find things that are just a bad idea and you shouldn’t spend your hard-earned money on. Most of these are collected on a Pinterest Board I like to call Gallery of What the Hell?

1. This Chair

 

You know that saying about unicorns that crap out rainbows? Chair meet unicorn.

2. This hat for your dog.

 

Your dog will hate you and get revenge for having to wear this. It will be a stealthy, passive-aggressive and cruel type revenge. Pooping in your favorite pair of shoes…getting into the bathroom garbage and strewing its contents all over your house when you have the boss or that important client over and it’s the week you’re on your period…that sort of thing.

3. This Fake Animal Fur Sex Rug

 

Forget that it’s a different kind of “shag” rug. Forget the hip 1970s swinger undressing you with his eyes. This rug looks like it’s a pain in the ass to clean, and more likely than not, Mr. Hip 70′s Swinger will leave that job to you.

4. This Couch

 

I think this one is self-explanatory.

5. These pants.

 

Unless you really do want to announce your presence from five miles away.

6. These pairs of men’s underwear.

 

There is no reason to wear these. Not even ironically.

7. These inflatable air jeans.

 

Crunches are less humiliating.

8. This sweater

 

Unless you plan on dressing as a Snork for Halloween.

9. This “Art”.

 

If you buy this, then you’ll spend the rest of your natural life explaining why you bought a woman’s hoo-ha painted up to look like the Virgin Mary. Then it will get awkward. Horribly awkward.

10. Whatever the hell this is.

 

The caption says “fertility suit”. I call it a criminal waste of yarn. Great Mother of Cthulhu, are those tentacles coming out of the crotch?!?

19 thoughts on “You’re Going to Regret Buying That

  1. sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms

    These are horrible! I thought you peaked early with the creepy swinger guy, but then I got down to the vagina altar piece and thought, “Well played.” THEN I got to number 10 and I need a retinal scrub.
    Such a funny list! Ellen

    Reply
  2. Dana

    Laughed out loud at the couch and the sweater! There are days where I’d like to wear that Snork sweater – kinda says “keep the hell away from me.”

    Reply
  3. Hokie Thoughts

    I was smiling along at all your entries as I was reading down. And then I got to the Snorks comment. Pardon me while I go find towels to clean up the tea I just spewed all over my desk from laughing . . . .

    Reply
  4. Marie

    Too funny!!! That love rug…words cannot express….

    We’re throwing a 60s/70s party for my husband’s upcoming 50th birthday. Some of these items would be perfect for costumes!

    Reply

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