This week’s topic for Monday Listicles are 10 Dumbest Purchases. Since I
destroyed don’t have any photographic evidence of my own dumb purchases, I’ve decided to hit Pinterest to find things that are just a bad idea and you shouldn’t spend your hard-earned money on. Most of these are collected on a Pinterest Board I like to call Gallery of What the Hell?
1. This Chair
You know that saying about unicorns that crap out rainbows? Chair meet unicorn.
2. This hat for your dog.
Your dog will hate you and get revenge for having to wear this. It will be a stealthy, passive-aggressive and cruel type revenge. Pooping in your favorite pair of shoes…getting into the bathroom garbage and strewing its contents all over your house when you have the boss or that important client over and it’s the week you’re on your period…that sort of thing.
3. This Fake Animal Fur Sex Rug
Forget that it’s a different kind of “shag” rug. Forget the hip 1970s swinger undressing you with his eyes. This rug looks like it’s a pain in the ass to clean, and more likely than not, Mr. Hip 70′s Swinger will leave that job to you.
4. This Couch
I think this one is self-explanatory.
5. These pants.
Unless you really do want to announce your presence from five miles away.
6. These pairs of men’s underwear.
There is no reason to wear these. Not even ironically.
7. These inflatable air jeans.
Crunches are less humiliating.
8. This sweater
Unless you plan on dressing as a Snork for Halloween.
9. This “Art”.
If you buy this, then you’ll spend the rest of your natural life explaining why you bought a woman’s hoo-ha painted up to look like the Virgin Mary. Then it will get awkward. Horribly awkward.
10. Whatever the hell this is.
The caption says “fertility suit”. I call it a criminal waste of yarn. Great Mother of Cthulhu, are those tentacles coming out of the crotch?!?