After a week off, I’m back with another Listicle.
Thursday is Valentine’s Day. Personally, I’m ambivalent about it. All the hearts and flowers and stuff means more to me if the Hubby picked a random day on the calendar and then did all that stuff. I’m not into commercialism or feeling like I’m forced into celebrating something. I’d rather do this because I want to show my love and affection for my husband and not because it’s expected of me on that one day.
Enough of that downer stuff. If you’re going to do Valentine’s Day, this is not how to do it.
1. Cooking Dinner for your Sweetie
One way to show how much you love your sweetheart is to make a special dinner for them. Bonus points if you’re a man making a special dinner for your lady. If your dinner looks like this, you’re probably sleeping on the couch.
This Valentine’s Day, show her how much you love her by giving her salmonella.
2. Boudoir Photographs
Sexy photographs are one way couples like to add a little spice into their relationship.
If it ends up on Awkward Family Photos.com, you might want to reconsider this idea.
Jewelry is always a popular gift to give for Valentine’s Day as indicated by the proliferation of jewelry store ads on TV. Sometimes, those big box mall jewelry stores just won’t do, especially if you’re looking for something unique.
Jared, Schmared. He went to Etsy!
Candy is another popular gift to give your loved one on V-Day. From candy hearts to a box of chocolates, sweets to the sweet. Except for this.
If the company’s mascot is John Wayne Gacy, you might want to spend the extra money for the Whitman’s Sampler box.
5. Sexy Underwear
What Valentine’s Day would be complete without sexy underwear?
Oh, yeah! That’s hawt!
6. “Marital Aids”
The dinner, the flowers, and all the other trappings of Valentine’s Day hopefully lead to the ultimate payoff–a romp between the sheets. With the popularity of the book Fifty Shades of
Shitty Twilight Fan Fiction Grey, your average couple are trying to discover their kinky side by boldly going where no suburban middle class couple has gone before: sex toys.
And it even doubles as a roto-rooter for your constipated bowels! Talk about a multi-tasker!
Music is one way to set the mood for a night of passion. The package in which your music comes is just as important as the music itself.
I can’t think of any occasion where this would be appropriate, unless it involves helping one stick to a vow of chastity.
What would Valentine’s Day be without a bouquet of red roses for that special someone? For those on a budget, the extreme mark-up on flowers this time of year can be discouraging. Never fear, there are alternatives.
Protip: If you’re going to go the fake route, even cheap, plastic flowers from the 1970s are more realistic looking than this.
9. Your Outfit
The right outfit is important in setting the mood for Valentine’s Day.
Anything from the Shower Pouf collection should be avoided at all costs.
10. Romantic Movies
If you want to skip the crowds and stay in this Valentine’s Day, nothing says romance like snuggling on the couch and watching a romantic movie.
You might want to stay away from this one. Trust me on this.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Also linking up for the spiffy new Yeah Write weekend Moonshine Grid. I picked this post because it makes me laugh.