After a week off, I’m back with another Listicle.
Thursday is Valentine’s Day. Personally, I’m ambivalent about it. All the hearts and flowers and stuff means more to me if the Hubby picked a random day on the calendar and then did all that stuff. I’m not into commercialism or feeling like I’m forced into celebrating something. I’d rather do this because I want to show my love and affection for my husband and not because it’s expected of me on that one day.
Enough of that downer stuff. If you’re going to do Valentine’s Day, this is not how to do it.
1. Cooking Dinner for your Sweetie
One way to show how much you love your sweetheart is to make a special dinner for them. Bonus points if you’re a man making a special dinner for your lady. If your dinner looks like this, you’re probably sleeping on the couch.
Source: badanduglyofretrofood.com via Kathy on Pinterest
This Valentine’s Day, show her how much you love her by giving her salmonella.
2. Boudoir Photographs
Sexy photographs are one way couples like to add a little spice into their relationship.
Source: babble.com via Kathy on Pinterest
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If it ends up on Awkward Family Photos.com, you might want to reconsider this idea.
3. Jewelry
Jewelry is always a popular gift to give for Valentine’s Day as indicated by the proliferation of jewelry store ads on TV. Sometimes, those big box mall jewelry stores just won’t do, especially if you’re looking for something unique.
Source: regretsy.com via Kathy on Pinterest
Jared, Schmared. He went to Etsy!
4. Candy
Candy is another popular gift to give your loved one on V-Day. From candy hearts to a box of chocolates, sweets to the sweet. Except for this.
Source: pzrservices.typepad.com via Kathy on Pinterest
If the company’s mascot is John Wayne Gacy, you might want to spend the extra money for the Whitman’s Sampler box.
5. Sexy Underwear
What Valentine’s Day would be complete without sexy underwear?
Source: Uploaded by user via Kathy on Pinterest
Oh, yeah! That’s hawt!
6. “Marital Aids”
The dinner, the flowers, and all the other trappings of Valentine’s Day hopefully lead to the ultimate payoff–a romp between the sheets. With the popularity of the book Fifty Shades of Shitty Twilight Fan Fiction Grey, your average couple are trying to discover their kinky side by boldly going where no suburban middle class couple has gone before: sex toys.
Source: medicalbillingschool.org via Kathy on Pinterest
And it even doubles as a roto-rooter for your constipated bowels! Talk about a multi-tasker!
7. Music
Music is one way to set the mood for a night of passion. The package in which your music comes is just as important as the music itself.
Source: flickr.com via Karen on Pinterest
I can’t think of any occasion where this would be appropriate, unless it involves helping one stick to a vow of chastity.
8. Flowers
What would Valentine’s Day be without a bouquet of red roses for that special someone? For those on a budget, the extreme mark-up on flowers this time of year can be discouraging. Never fear, there are alternatives.
Protip: If you’re going to go the fake route, even cheap, plastic flowers from the 1970s are more realistic looking than this.
9. Your Outfit
The right outfit is important in setting the mood for Valentine’s Day.
Source: google.com via Kathy on Pinterest
Anything from the Shower Pouf collection should be avoided at all costs.
And finally…
10. Romantic Movies
If you want to skip the crowds and stay in this Valentine’s Day, nothing says romance like snuggling on the couch and watching a romantic movie.
Blue Velvet is not a Valentine’s Day movie. (via 35 years of David Lynch).
You might want to stay away from this one. Trust me on this.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Also linking up for the spiffy new Yeah Write weekend Moonshine Grid. I picked this post because it makes me laugh. 
Good advice.LOL
hilarious
My wife wants to take our 3 daughters to Dave & Busters (arcade/restaurant) and play video games. So, i get to avoid all of these. Unless I win some sexy underwear playing skee ball.
OMG WHERE THE HELL DID YOU FIND THE MENS BODY SUITS?? that is hysterical. I love this list but the pictures really bring it home!
I found that on Pinterest.
Choking with laughter. Thanks for these useful tips
Oh. My. God. Those photos were horrifying! Well, the last one was just awkward, but the clown? & #6?!? Ack! Great list!
Awesome list. Love the boudoir!
wow. This is really – I just don’t know.
Very interesting listicle all around. I was laughing my way though it.
I don’t know what to say about #3 and #5…. seriously, speechless. How did you find all this stuff?? Amazing! Also, haven’t seen Blue Velvet… but now I’m curious. Because I’m a masochist.
I found a lot of this in Pinterest. #3 was from the site Regretsy. I knew they featured a lot of really horrible handmade jewelry. It was the “I don’t have diseases or cooties” line that got me.
Love the visuals – except for #4. I have an irrational fear of clowns dating back to Poltergeist, and that photo brought it all back.
I HOLLERED reading this list!
The sexy underwear?
That boudoir pic?
Hahahahahahahaha!
Those boudoir sessions are the bomb! HA! Erin
You had me in stitches. I am ordering hunk wear as a thank you for hubby writing my listicle
I thought that blood necklace was the weirdest thing I had ever seen, but then… the body suits. Hunkwear.
Bwahahahaha! Awesome list!
I think we’ll be celebrating VDay a little late, thanks to this list. We weren’t gonna celebrate at all… but SO many good ideas!
That hunkwear sure is something. Something I never want to see in person. I’m not a fan of Valentine’s either – the other 364 days of the year are just important.
Funny. Okay, the necklace and bodysuit both made me gag a little. I guess not having a Valentine this year wasn’t so bad, considering I could have gotten something from your list!
So funny! You must have had a blast putting this together!
Brilliant!!
Hahahaha! Hunk wear available in “raspberry sorbet”. And that clown’s gonna give me more heartburn than the candy.