(Because The Gallery of Regrettable Food is already taken and I don’t want to get sued. But you should go visit the Gallery of Regrettable Food because it’s awesome. And, don’t forget, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.)
I’m not sure what the heck was going on in the mid 20th century. I do know that it was fashionable to serve most anything in loaf form, preferably with hard boiled eggs or green olives stuffed inside like the secret toy surprise in a box of Cracker Jacks, if they had Cracker Jacks in Hell.
Then there is this thing called “aspic”. They were awfully fond of that, too. All I know is that it’s just plain awful. So of course, I collected quite a few of them on a Pinterest board. Let’s have a look, shall we? Hungry? You won’t be after looking at these.
The Box Lunch
Consider the box lunch or bag lunch. In these uncertain financial times, many are taking to bringing their own lunch with them to work or school. The open-faced sandwich, while delicious, may not be practical to pack along in a lunch. This sandwich is especially not practical.
This sandwich is a cry for help. Literally. Can’t you hear the cries of a lobster as it takes its final breath before drowning in this quagmire of…pus?
There was a fondness back in the mid 20th century for taking food and sculpting it until it becomes the piéce de résistance of the dinner table. They say we eat with our eyes first. I think that was lost on the creators of these dishes.
Exhibit A: Crown Roast of Frankfurters.
This dish is for those people with discriminating tastes who prefer their intestines, hooves and snouts to look classy. It’s all about the presentation.
Ah, winter evenings. What’s more cozy than popcorn balls and a steaming mug of hot chocolate topped with a marshmallow?
Popcorn balls, a steaming mug of hot chocolate topped with a marshmallow and a dead pig sculpture made from olives, bread, cheese and deviled ham.
Our next exhibit comes from the seafood category.
Nothing says elegant like a fish with a gag ball made from parsley. This whole 50 Shades of Grey thing has gone too far.
The Candle Salad. A feast for the eyes and the tastebuds.
I don’t know if the creator intended for this banana candle to look like an erect penis with an angry looking sore on the tip that’s oozing ambiguous white goo, but it looks like an erect penis with an angry looking sore on the tip that’s oozing ambiguous white goo.
Molds and Loafs
Loaves and molds work for breads and desserts. Not for main dishes. The name of this dish is Sweet and Pungent Ham Pork Loaf
Pungent is a word I’d probably use to describe the smell of decaying flesh, not my dinner.
And finally, there’s the molded food. Mid Century housewives seemed to love their molded Jello salads. However, there are things that should never be suspended in Jello. Macaroni, hot dogs and green beans are only three of them. Behold this gelatinous centrifuge of ipecac.
If the suspended weiners in Jello isn’t enough to gross you out:
Behold this unholy union of Jello, Spaghetti-O’s and Vienna Sausage.
I think aspic is the French word for “partially digested food suspended in gelatin”.