It’s the end of the year and with that comes lists. Lots of lists. I shall add my own list. The following is a list of things, in my humble opinion, that need to stay in 2012 forever.
1. “YOLO”. This is the acronym everyone loves to hate. It stands for “You Only Live Once” and it’s uttered by morons and douchebags to explain away the stupid things they do.
2. The word upcycle. Upcycling is when you take trash and paint it, glitter it or bedazzle the hell out of it for the purpose of making shitty crafts. Most upcycled stuff looks like someone painted a piece of garbage. Literal garbage. Finding that rare treasure while dumpster diving and making it into something that would make Martha Stewart proud is just that, rare.
3. 50 Shades of Grey-This book should go back to the wood pulp from whence it came. I am not against erotica. I am against rewarding mediocrity, and calling this book mediocre is being too nice. E.L. James can’t write her way out of a paper bag and anyone who is as dismissive and arrogant about the writing process and skills and dismisses critics, even constructive criticism, as “haters” doesn’t deserve your money.
If you really need to read the pr0n, you’re better off spending your money on any one of the hundreds of books in the erotica genre that were written by professional writers, edited by professional editors, has likable characters, a plausible plot and are languishing on the shelves because a hack writer is getting a lot of undeserved attention from the masses.
If expecting the books I pay good money for to have gone through the editing process makes me a snob, then I’m guilty as charged.
4. The Fail Mary. I realize, as a Packers fan, that the Fail Mary will forever be a part of Packers lore because of the shit storm that followed, which in turn, helped end the referee’s lockout. What I am tired of, and I’m pretty sure that most Packers fans feel the same as I do, is the national sports media trotting out that clip every time the subject of the Packers and the Seahawks comes up. Case in point: This clip was trotted out on Sunday Night Football during the Seahawks-49ers game. I think it was because the NBC Sunday Night Football crew was jealous that they didn’t call that game. I’m glad they didn’t call that game. I may be in the minority, but I think Cris Collingsworth is way worse an announcer than Joe Buck. I’ll take smug over motormouth any day.
5. Anything ending in the suffix -ista. Fashionista. Frugalista. And now, Kitchenista. Every year, I
bitch implore that adding the suffix “-ista” has to end because it’s stupid. I’m willing to bet that the people who insist on doing this don’t know anything about the origins of this. The Sandinistas were a group of Nicaraguan Communists who took power and ruled the country from 1979 through 1990. In the 1980s, the Reagan Administration decided to sell arms to Iran in order to fund the Contras, who were a new group of rebels who were against the Sandinista government. It was illegal to fund the Contras and had been since 1983, but it didn’t stop the Reagan Administration nor Oliver North from doing it anyway. So when you add “-ista” to shallow pursuits such as fashion or reality cooking show competitions, it proves you are an idiot.
6. This Honda Odyssey Commercial
This commercial makes me embarrassed to be a middle-aged female. And white. But mostly embarrassed to be middle-aged.
7. The term “fiscal cliff”. As far as I’m concerned, Congress can take a flying leap off the fiscal cliff. The term “fiscal cliff”, in recent days has spawned another term: “milk cliff” in reference to what may happen to milk prices if no new farm bill gets passed.
With that said, I’m going to invent a new term: ”stupid catchphrase cliff”. We’ve gone over that a long time ago.
Stay tuned, kids. Lake Superior State University will soon release their annual list of words that must be banished and I will do my annual commentary on their list.