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Posted by on Nov 30, 2012 | 0 comments

A Girl Without Cable Watches “Doomsday Preppers” for the First Time. This is Her Reaction.

I don’t have cable TV. However, while I was out of town, I stayed with relatives who had cable TV. I was able to watch TV shows I don’t normally get to watch. This is my reaction to one of them.

I’d heard of Doomsday Preppers because some people on Twitter talked about it.  My curiosity was aroused enough to give it a try.

Before this, I watched part of an episode of a show called Drugs Inc. I’m only mentioning it because there was a Twitter hash tag in the show title.  That is lame. People will talk about a show if they want to on Twitter. You can hash tag the hell out of every word in your show’s title, but people will talk about it if they want to, not because you want them to.

This Drugs Inc. show was depressing.  That’s all I’m going to say about it. Perhaps this is why they put a hash tag in their show title to get people to talk about it. I never hear other people talk about it. I guess a show about people who live in BFE who do meth or bath salts or heroin or whatever because there is nothing else to do is too depressing to talk about. It’s not like, say Intervention, where they try to get people who are addicted to drugs into treatment.

Hilarity ensued briefly when they showed a commercial for the Miracle Blade knife dubbed in Spanish.

But now, on to the episode.

I’m not sure if what I am about to watch is a train wreck in a Hoarders sort of way or if it’s unintentionally funny. I’m not sure that it’s a good idea to give the Tin Foil Hat Brigade airtime on a TV show to indulge their paranoia or conspiracy theories.

This particular episode featured a retired chiropractor and his family from Houston, Texas who are building a bunker to protect themselves from some terrorist attack they think is going to happen.  I bet they are members of the Tea Party, are convinced that our President is a Muslim, and are probably one of those many people threatening secession because Romney lost the election.

This dude’s Prepping Plan (because everyone on this show has to have one) includes “bugging out”. This family does drills on how fast they can “bug out” or how quickly they can get the hell out of Houston and over 300 miles to their “compound”. Yes. They have a compound. They also have alternate “bug out” routes just in case traffic is too heavy to get out of town.

The compound is named…The Alamo.

And no, I’m not making this shit up.

This guy is a walking, talking paranoid Texas militia cliché.

Who, I should also add, needs some serious mental health intervention. I think he’s addicted to the paranoia and the drama he creates because of it. He’s spent over 2 million dollars fortifying his bunker and prepping and buying ammunition for this hypothetical dirty bomb that is going to specifically target Houston, Texas as opposed to say, New York City or Washington, DC.

Mr. Military Chiropractor Man so paranoid, he purposely contaminated some food and water so if someone else were to contaminate his water and food, he knows which part of it is “safe” or contaminated by him.

He’s even teaching his children how to “prep”.  In other words, he’s passing his paranoia onto his children.  There is something extremely disconcerting seeing a six year old child toting an AR-15 assault weapon.  Where I come from, children are not legally allowed to handle guns until they are at least ten or twelve years old and have passed a gun/hunter’s safety course first.

I have no words. This man needs his own “hug me” jacket.   He’s also a walking, talking argument for stricter gun control laws.  People on the right don’t seem to understand that those who call for more gun control are more worried about the paranoid like this guy than they are about actual criminals.

CPS should be called on these people because this paranoid dude is traumatizing the children and a six year old should not be talking about “defensive strategies” unless it involves sports, video games, or chess.

I bet if this hypothetical terrorist attack actually happened, this guy would be the first one to pee and crap his pants the moment he realizes that this is not a drill that he can direct and the outcome is not under his control.

Because this isn’t about some bad that might actually happen. This is about one guy with severe paranoia and other mental issues who has a need to control his environment because his mental issues are either too great or he just refuses to acknowledge that he should be on medication and regular therapy with a psychiatrist.

Mr. Paranoid Cowboy:  Nobody is going to drop a dirty bomb on Houston.  And if it were to happen, the entire population of Houston isn’t going to drive out to specifically attack your bunker, Camp Par-a-noi-a-wac, either.  Please seek psychological help so you stop wasting time and money on this and please stop scarring your children.  Because when your children get out into the real world, they are in for a very rude awakening.

The only “dirty bomb” I’m afraid of are the ones my hubby drops into the toilet on a daily basis not some vague threat that seems to exist only in your head.

When I wanted to do things as a family, we went camping or hit Bay Beach or went to watch Packers Training Camp.  We didn’t fortify our own family military compound and hold endless drills to make sure that we’re “prepared” for this hypothetical bad thing I think is going to happen.


This show isn’t even an entertaining train wreck like Hoarders. At least on Hoarders, there is a ray of hope that the person who is collecting garbage, creepy dolls, or jugs of their own pee will stop hoarding with the right therapy.

I lasted 25 minutes before I changed the channel to Dancing with the Stars. That show is kind of a train wreck, but it’s an entertaining train wreck with glitter, hair extensions and spray tans.

I guess if given a choice between being caught unawares and only having to prep like these people, I’d rather be caught unawares.

And Nat Geo, please stop giving these whack jobs attention.

Kathy Kramer

Kathy Kramer has words in her head, so she writes them down. Kiki Dee had words in her head, but she only just said them. Kathy has other things in her head that aren’t so great, but that’s what the medication is for.

Kathy is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Plains Magazine and eFiction Magazine. Kathy is originally from Wisconsin but her mid-life crisis prompted her to move to South Dakota because she can’t be like other people and do normal mid-life crisis things like dress inappropriately for her age, get Botox or chase after younger men. No. Kathy has to be different.

When Kathy isn’t writing her author bio in the third person, she likes to make things, she likes to read books, and she likes to go outside. Kathy lives with her husband, whom she refers to in these pages as The Hubby or D.

Kathy also likes to hang out on Twitter a lot, especially during football games. Kathy is a Green Bay Packers fan and has been since she was born. She is also a contributor to NFL, as a writer about the Green Bay Packers.