Well, the 2012 London Olympics is but a memory. Just as I did when I watched the opening ceremonies, I watched the BBC live feed before I watched NBC’s coverage on television. I’m glad I did because NBC’s coverage was yet again, seriously atrocious.
While Matt and Meredith were nowhere to be found, we had Costas and Seacrest. Thankfully, both of them decided to shut up during the John Lennon number. However, NBC also cut out performances by Muse, Ray Davies of the Kinks and bits that featured Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill, the Beatles’ Here Comes the Sun and A Day in the Life. They also cut out the gold medal ceremony for the marathon, which is traditionally handed out during the closing ceremonies.
Bob Costas, for some reason, has this weird propensity to bring up African dictators when they are showing African athletes. During the Opening Ceremony, the Costas-bot named dropped Idi Amin. This time, he named dropped someone whose name escapes me at the moment.
We were treated to 80s popsters Madness, who performed their hit “Our House” and the Pet Shop Boys, who were wearing these weird black outfits that can only be described as Grand Wizards of the Cluck Cluck Clan.
They were followed by some boy band I’d never heard of called One Direction. One Direction to where? No Talent-ville?
There was George Michael, who performed his hit “Freedom”. My husband turned to me and said, “That’s the most sober I’ve seen George Michael look in a long time.” I waited patiently for the reunion with Andrew Ridgeley, but no such luck.
By the way, I was a Duran Duran girl back in the day.
However, NBC wasn’t entirely off the hook because parts of the closing ceremonies were just…well…the only way I could describe them is that someone on the planning committee ingested the brown acid in spades. The show featured a salute to fashion with British Supermodels Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell. I was hoping that Naomi Campbell would throw a phone at someone or assault one of the dancers or something, but no such luck.
There was also a musical number featuring Russell Brand, aka the former Mr. Katy Perry, singing a song from Willy Wonka, which morphed into the Beatles’ I Am the Walrus.
NBC decided to sacrifice two better acts for Russell Brand. To quote someone on Twitter, “What kind of dirt does Russell Brand have on people that they keep hiring him?”
Fail. One of many.
While I watched the uninterrupted BBC feed, the feed picked the moment Russell Brand entered the stadium to buffer. I took it as a sign from God. I was hoping that the TV feed would do the same thing later, but no such luck.
Then there was DJ Fatboy Slim, whose music I like, DJ’ing from high on top of a giant inflatable octopus. Because when I think of world class athletes, the first thing that comes to mind is a giant inflatable octopus.
I was hoping that the giant Monty Python foot would come down and stomp on it. No such luck.
We were treated to a bit of comedy with a human cannonball bit. The cannon was “shot” and then after the smoke cleared Monty Python’s Eric Idle was revealed to be the person that was shot out of a cannon. However, Costas had to ruin the suspense and tell us it was Eric Idle before he popped up from underneath the stage. Mr. Costas, Eric Idle popping up out of the hole is part of the joke. You’re not supposed to spoil it for the audience.
Eric performed Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. I was so happy to see a nod to Monty Python as I’m a huge fan.
Although NBC failed to bleep out the word “shit” in time. They bleeped something, but it wasn’t the naughty word.
Serious Fail. Considering that their broadcast was on tape delay. How many hours did they have to catch the offending word?
Then after all of this was the Spice Girls. Back in the day, I couldn’t stand the Spice Girls. I still can’t stand them. They ushered in people like Britney Spears and the general crap that passes off for music these days. I will never forgive them for that. I’ll them them what I want, what I really, really want…for them to never get back together again. I was hoping that one of the taxi’s they were standing on would go mad and pop a wheelie or one of their breast implants would spring a leak on live TV. No such luck.
However, the best part of that performance was London Mayor Boris Johnson dancing to the Spice Girls. Someone got a GIF of this. That person is my new best friend.
Then Britain decides to pull one of the cruelest hoaxes ever. At first, we saw a video of Freddie Mercury. I love Freddie Mercury. I love Queen to death. So far, so good. Then we see Queen guitarist Brian May performing some sweet guitar riffs.
Okay, no big deal.
Then the opening strains of Queen’s We Will Rock You are heard. Brian May walks to the center of the “stage”. At this point, I’m hoping for a Freddie Mercury hologram.
No such luck.
Some pop tart I’ve never heard of, who goes by the name of Jessie J, comes out. She was on earlier in a nude bodysuit performing a forgettable version of the Bee Gee’s You Should Be Dancing. I’m pretty sure that Robin and Maurice Gibb were rolling in their graves.
This pop tart/skank is wearing another nude body suit while she BUTCHERS Queen.
Was Paul Rodgers not available? I would have rather seen a hologram of Marcel Marceau singing that song than this skanky twit.
And then to top off the vocal stylings that sounded like a cat having its paw slammed in a car door, Jessie J does the saddest, most pathetic air guitar ever.
I’m pretty sure that Freddie Mercury was rolling in his grave.
After all the serious stuff like the handing over the Olympic flag to the Mayor of Rio de Janerio, and a confusing salute to Brazilian culture that ended with a cameo by soccer legend Pele, we were promised a performance by the Who.
NBC decided to make us wait an hour for the Who so they could show us an unfunny sitcom that will be in their fall line-up. As if no commercial interruptions was going to make it all better. F— you, NBC!
The Twitterverse erupted with outrage. It was justified. Especially since the Who’s performance was way better than their performance during the Super Bowl halftime show.
Here is what I think of you, NBC:
Well, we did have to wait that hour for about ten minutes of the Who. The rest of the broadcast was a lame infomercial for NBC’s coverage of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. NBC promises us that we will see the Olympics like we’ve never seen them before.
Does this mean they’re going to show it live?